youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
