His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
