my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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