Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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