I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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