i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
