Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
