An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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