i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
