I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
