My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
NoShamevember. You game?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
