I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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