I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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