I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
