whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize