he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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