I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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