Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
