just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize