i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
