I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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