Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I had to cum in my sink.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
