All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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