Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
