A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
