It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
