They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
