in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
