you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
