I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
