there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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