so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
