I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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