i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize