I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
