She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I need a burrito and a hug.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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