I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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