my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
