So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize