Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
