theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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