I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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