The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
