and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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