my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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