Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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