would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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