No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
