If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
