I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
