just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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