Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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