am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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