I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize