Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize