I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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