you turned your livingroom into a bong?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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