I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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