I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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