What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
