Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
