Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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