So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
