I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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