Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize