Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
