She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
