I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
