how can u be prego again
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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