then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
